Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
