She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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