the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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