Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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