That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
