I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
