yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
