There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drake has all the answers
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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