Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
