piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
