there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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