am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
