I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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