I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
