were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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