i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
