dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
