I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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