and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
