I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
