Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
