no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
