woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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