my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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