My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
