So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
