I can text with my tongue
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
