my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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