the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
