I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
