I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
