Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
