xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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