I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
