What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
