I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
