Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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