I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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