He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
