Im at strip club and am horny
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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