I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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