he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
