Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
