I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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