i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
