Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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