So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
