As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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