how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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