He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
