I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
