Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish I only lived at night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
