But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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