I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
