What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
