I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
