Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
